Actual Call To The Hugh Jackman Emergency Response Center

This is a transcript of an actual call to the Hugh Jackman Emergency Response Center (HJERC):

12-2-04 5:03 AM EST

--begin transcript-

Op: Hello, Hugh Jackman Emergency Response Center, Rhonda speaking.

Caller: Yes, I have an Emergency! Please help me! (frantic) HELP ME!

Op: Okay ma'am. Please calm down and tell me your problem.

Caller: I was watching Paperback Hero last night --

Op: Okay.

Caller: -- and you know the part at the end where Jack kisses Ruby?

Op: Of course.

Caller: Well, I ever since then, I can't stop thinking that's exactly the way I want to be kissed. I mean, I can't stop, I've literally been awake all night thinking about it. Now I have to get up to go to work in an hour and I'm exhausted.

Op: Yes, we get that all the time.

Caller: You do?

Op: Of course. We call it HJRCS - Hugh Jackman Romantic Comedy Syndrome. There is help for this problem.

Caller: What? Please tell me!

Op: Okay, first, go take a cold shower. Then call your job and tell them you have some 24-hour flu or something. Be creative, but don't go overboard, make sure whatever you come up with is believable.

Caller: Alright.

Op: Then, get a nice cup of cocoa and grab all your Hugh Jackman DVDs. Put one in and snuggle under your comforter --

Caller: I don't have a comforter. I have a quilt though.

Op: That's fine, whatever works. Then spend the entire day in bed watching Hugh Jackman DVDs. Of course, you'll probably have to take another cold shower afterwards, but you should be all cured by then.

Caller: Who said I wanted to be cured?

Op: No one evah does.

Caller: Did you just say "evah"?

Op: No. Happy Hugh watching!

Caller: Thank you. I will.

Op: You're welcome. Goodbye.

Caller: Bye.

-- end transcript --

12-2-04 5:09 AM EST